jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
