There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
