Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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