he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MIDGETS
????
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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