she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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