im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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