when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
