What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
