I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
