you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
