i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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