It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How does one acquire holy water?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
