If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
