Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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