saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
