i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize