guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
