so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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