oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize