Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
