And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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