Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
