How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
