K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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