i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
