if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
