He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
