I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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