It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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