: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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