I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
And then he peed in my hair
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
