shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
