I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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