Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I touched a dick in church today
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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