i already hear my dad disowning me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
