Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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