Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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