Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh god it's open bar.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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