The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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