for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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