I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
