I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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