so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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