Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
