no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
