grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
