Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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