Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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