I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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