3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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