I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
