I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
