There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize