I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
