life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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