That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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