I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
