I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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