Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A+ Viking dick
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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