Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize