Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
