its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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