so explain again why im purple
no
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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