He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
