PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
