and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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