I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
